The Thrill of Victory, The Agony of Defeat

WARNING! This is going to be a lengthy post. However, I am not going to be posting for the next few days, so if you are one who enjoys reading something new every day, you may want to break this post up into sections :). As promised in my previous post, I am dedicating this entry to my only sibling, Doug, who is almost 4 years older than me. The reason I am choosing this day to post about my sibling relationship is that tomorrow begins the Sports Hotline Annual Doubles Tennis Tournament here in Marion, and we are playing in the mixed doubles division. For anyone who wants some free entertainment, you can come out and watch us, and you will not be entertained by tennis only. My brother and I, though very close, are also very competitive, and we tend to let our emotions get the best of us when we are playing together. Each time we play in a tournament, I say to myself that this will be the last time I will play with him. But it's kind of like having a baby - during the pain of labor you say you will never go through it again, but when it's all over, the joy the baby brings is worth it all - that's probably a bad analogy, because even though the trophy is nice, it doesn't really compare to a child. What happens is my brother thinks that we can go all year long without playing and then go out and perform like we could in college. So I make a few mistakes, he grumbles at me, I get frustrated and say something smart back, and so on. But it's all good in the end, especially when we win.


I can't believe I got a baby sister!

My brother and I have always been close. Since it was just the two of us, we played quite a bit together, and since he was older, we did what he wanted to do, which was usually play a game. He was pretty amazing at games. He would play basketball by himself, and he would pretend he was both teams, he would keep score, keep a running clock in his head, and provide commentary all at the same time. It was pretty amazing to watch. As soon as I was old enough to learn rules, he had me playing games with him. We made up "Ball and Strike," "Game off the Fence" (both baseball oriented games,) at my Grandma's house we would sit on the front porch and each take colors and mark down the color of cars that would pass by. In the summers, we would keep a running game of UNO to where our points were in the thousands. When I was in fourth grade and he was in seventh grade, we got dirt bikes. Our house was a part of a neighborhood that had roads that would complete a perfect square going 5 blocks down. We would start in our driveway, and he would go one way around the 5 blocks, and I would go the other. We lived on 39th st., and we would always pass on 44th. We would round the corner at the opposite ends of 39th st. - our house was right in the middle. This was a favorite game until we both went full speed into our driveway and met head on. Dad put a stop to that game after that.

One of our many games we played - you get bonus points if you can figure out who the other two kids are.

The older we became, the more our competiveness came out, and the more we played sports against each other and with each other. Our first tennis tournament we played together was when I was 10 and he was 13. We played in the class C (lowest division) division of the Sports Hotline Tournament. We were in the finals against a preacher and a 70+ year old woman. We were winning the match when the preacher got a call regarding an emergency with a family in the church. I felt sorry for the 70+ year old woman, so instead of making them forfeit, we decided to finish the match the next day on our own. To make a long story short, we played with flat balls, the other team came back and won, and my very competitive father was not happy! But it was a learning experience, and we've had many exciting matches since. I remember when I was 17 and he was 20. We played each year in a tournament in Anderson, and we were playing a very competitive husband/wife team. We ended up winning in three sets, and Doug was so emotional after the match (tears were shed) that I had to drive us home (my parents were out of town, so they didn't get to see this one.) The next year, however, we lost to the same couple in the finals in a third set tie-breaker. Heartbreaker. We've played/fought several times since then, and we will give it another go around this weekend. Our sports competitions included much more than tennis. When we were in high school, we would drive out to what is now Rivers Edge in Marion and play miniature golf - loser bought the winner a blizzard. One day on the drive home we almost wrecked because we were arguing over the radio station. We also played countless hours of ping pong on the dining room table with a nerf net (thanks mom for putting up with the noise.) Then there were games of basketball on the indoor rim (there's a permanent dent in that door if it's still in the house) and on the driveway and croquet in the side yard (still a favorite 4th of July game.) There aren't a lot of high schoolers who would hang out with their little sister, but my brother was pretty unique - lucky for me.

The infamous "Game off the Fence" fence. Like the tube socks?

I am really blessed that both of us stayed in the area. We not only live in the same town, our houses are probably 2-3 minutes driving time apart. During the school year, the cousins see each other every day because in order for me to get to work on time, I have to drop Elizabeth off at their house so she can catch the bus. Also, for the past 6 years (it will change this year because Sophia, Doug's youngest, will be going to kindergarten) my mom has watched the non-school aged grandchildren two afternoons a week, so the cousins were together then, too. We are in the same Sunday School class, our families hang out together (like camping this weekend), and once a week my brother and I travel to Ft. Wayne to do our coupon shopping. I know there isn't a lot of uniqueness to having a close sibling relationship, especially with same-sex siblings. But I think the relationship I have with my brother is pretty special, and I am hoping that my girls grow up with that same kind of bond.

For those of you who had previously seen this post, I deleted the last picture because one of my brother's students heard me talking about this post to him and telling him my web address. If you saw the picture, you would understand that he would not want it circulating around his students :).

Cousins Part II

Anna ( 3), Sabrina ( 8), Maria ( 6), Elizabeth (6), Sophia (5), and Nathaniel (9)

These pictures were taken during our family vacation last summer. Our family, my brother's family, and my parents took a two week long vacation to Florida - we stayed one week at Disneyworld and one week at the beach. All 12 of us stayed in one condo!!! It was great fun, and if I had been a blogger back then, I would have had lots to post about. These were the pictures I was trying to post last night, but I was just able to post them, now. I thought I would post some pictures of Doug & Kismet's kids for those of you who browse this blog and may have known them in college. They have 4 kids - Nathaniel (poor guy, he's the only boy), Sabrina, Maria, and Sophia.

Cousins

I'm really coming in under the wire on this post - 40 minutes to go until midnight. I think I can do it. Today has been packed with one activity after another - I only had a chance to quickly do my blog run once today. So today will be a quick post - a few thoughts on cousins before I head to bed.

Relationships between siblings can be very special bonds - in fact, tomorrow I am going to post about my brother (just a little preview for those of you on the edge of your seat.) One great benefit about siblings is that they give you nieces and nephews, and cousins for your children. I come from a relatively small family - each of my parents only had one sibling. My dad's brother was 12 years older and always lived out of town. Because of distance and age span, I did not get to know my cousins on that side of the family very well. However, my mom's sister and her family always lived in the area; therefore I was able to grow up around my other two cousins (who are twins, by the way, Joel and Jaena. For you faithful comment readers, they've both left comments on my blog - you can check Jaena's out through the Womack link on this page.) Now my cousin's children and my children are growing up together - in fact, her son Elisha is exactly one month older than Anna.

My brother and his family also live in the area, and his kids and my kids see A LOT of each other. Even though Jason's sister and her family (who also have a blog - you can check this family out by clicking on the Hummel link) live out of state, we still see them often enough for the cousins to bond and get to know each other. Because I am running short on time tonight, I am going to list a few great things about these extended family relationships and then call it a night.

1. My sister-in-law and I have had conversation about the friendships that our children are forming. My brother's kids and my kids will all attend the same elementary, middle, and high school. We've commented to each other about how the friends our kids make will have a great impact on the people they become and how they adjust through school. We all can remember those awkward junior high years when friendships are fleeting and kids can be cruel. The cousins will always be there for each other to protect, to encourage, and to be that constant friend in those awkward times.

2. Child care. If we are ever in a pinch for child care, we know exactly who we can call. And of course the kids love visiting their cousins' house - in fact, Maria, my brother's girl who is just a couple months younger than Elizabeth, is spending the night tonight. And actually, tomorrow Jaena, my cousin, is picking up Elizabeth and Maria, taking them to the Bible School she is heading up, and leaving Elisha to play with Anna - perfect example!

3. Camaraderie. I have no idea if I spelled this word right, but I've only got 17 minutes until midnight, and I don't have time to spell check. Sometimes during family gatherings, it can begin to feel like a zoo (just wait until the triplets come...check out the Hummel's blog and you will know what I'm talking about) - but knowing that my kids are able to form strong bonds with their cousins and 2nd cousins is really a blessing.

I've tried to post pictures, but it isn't wanting to work and I only have one minute until midnight. Maybe in a later post...

Blog Surfing and Spider Solitaire

Since I have been home this summer, my blog surfing has intensified. During the school year, I had four or five blogs that I checked daily, but only if I had extra time in the evenings would I check out blogs from these blogs' links. Especially now that I have a blog, I find myself jumping on the computer several times a day. I actually have a routine to my computer play. First, I check on my own site to see if I have any new comments. Then I go to my sister-in-law's blog. From there I go to H.G's blog, from there to K.G's blog, and then to my cousin's blog. Then I go back to K.G.'s blog to link to three of her cousins' sites. Those are the mandatory check points each time I get on. Then from there it can vary a little bit. I have 5-6 sites (okay, maybe more like 10-15, but come on, I am sounding pathetic at this point) that I check occasionally, and then if I am really committed to the cause, I will start randomly clicking on links to see if I can find someone that I even remotely know or once knew so I can catch up on their life. Through all of this blog madness, I have made several observations:

1. The longer you go between your posts, the more comments you will get. I've thought about trying this out; I've wondered since I am posting every day if that impacts the number of comments I get. However, I'm not getting hung up on # of comments, because I know the majority of blogs I read, I don't comment. It did feel good, though, when one of my posts broke the "10 comment" barrier. My cousin's last post inspired 3 quick comments. Then it rose to 6 where it remained for a couple of days. Then it jumped to 8, to 10, and last time I checked (20 minutes ago,) it was holding steady at 13 (and none of them were her replies - that's awesome, Jaena!)

2. When you post pictures of your kids or announce big news, you get more comments. When my sister-in-law announced she was expecting, the blog stalkers came out of the woodworks. Then when the news was magnified with the revelation that she was expecting not one baby but three, even the most reluctant to comment could no longer hold back their impulses.

3. Some people have only posted one time on their site. This one confuses me. If you are going to go to all the trouble to set it up, wouldn't you give it at least one more shot? Were they disappointed with the number of comments? Did they say all they needed to say in one post?

4. Some people who have really good posts have not posted in several months. One blog I am thinking of in particular hasn't had a post since April. I'm not really friends with this person, but I feel like I am missing out on their family's life. Why won't they update for me?

5. Each site has its own flavor. Some sites speak deep spiritual thoughts. Others comment on current events. Others are an update on family life and daily happenings. Some are a combination of the above. I like it when I can hear the author's "voice" in what he/she is writing.

6. One site I visited had the number of people who had visited that site. I would like to add that to my site, but I don't know how - then I would know how many people were reading, even if they didn't comment. His was over a thousand - wow! Of course he could be padding his own stats, there.

7. The majority of people I hung out with in college do not blog, or if they do, I have not stumbled upon them yet. I would really like to bulk up my link list, but I feel funny posting links to blogs of people I wouldn't recognize if I passed them on the street (it doesn't matter if I know their life story through their blog.)

After I have checked everybody's blogs and commented to my heart's content, I've usually had my fill of the computer for awhile. But today has been a little different. None of my faithful seven have blogged today. So I must resort to my other computer addiction - spider solitaire. This may be another post topic in the future - I'm not going to tell you how many times I've won (my win/loss % is pretty bad,) but to let you know a ball park figure on how many games I've played, I've lost 999 times. I'm scared to play again; I don't want to get into 4 digits. And this is only on the difficult level; I didn't check my number of games on medium.

In case you're wondering at this point, my kids really aren't raising themselves :). I try to do my "computer work" during nap time and bath time - they've taken some pretty long baths this summer!

This post isn't very thought provoking, but after the last couple of posts, I needed to express something a little more light-hearted. Now I'm off to a mean game of Go Fish with Elizabeth...

Contentment

Paul says in Phillipians 4:11-12: "I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want."

Those are some tough words to live by, but it is what I am striving for in my life. To be content no matter what the circumstances means that my contentment cannot be derived from the material things or relationships that I have, because these things can at any time be taken away. My contentment has to come solely from knowing that I am fulfilling God's will for my life, whatever that may be.

I think that the material things and relationships in my life bring happiness and make life more enjoyable, but I have not found them to bring the kind of contentment that Paul is talking about. This is how I know. If you could have asked me 10 years ago to write down everything it would take for me to be content, the life I am living now would match up pretty close to that list - my relationships, professional life, finances, family. Yet I've found myself at times not feeling at peace, and I don't think that feeling can be satisfied by any material item.

Here is a concrete example from my life. When I was in college, I really wanted to find that perfect someone with whom I could spend the rest of my life. After Jason and I were married, I thought I knew what contentment was. We became pregnant shortly after we were married (oops) but I miscarried. I remember during that time I was telling God if you only let me carry this baby, I will be satisfied; all that I need to be happy is my husband and a baby. Well, a couple of years later Elizabeth came along, and all was well again. But after another couple of years we decided we wanted to add to our family - I was no longer content with just one child. While I was pregnant, I would thank God for "granting our wishes" so to speak, and after Anna was born, all was well again. Then a couple more years go by (man, we've been married a long time) and we decide we want to expand our family again. But at this time God has chosen not to "grant our wish." We have known for awhile now that two kids may be it for the Wuertley family (guess we shouldn't have spouted off about wanting to have six kids.) Three years ago when Anna was first born, I was 100% content with my family - but three years later, it was hard for awhile to feel content.

I don't think # of kids is the only example there is in a lesson of contentment. It could be job positition, the kind of house you live in, social status, # of comments you get on your blog :) - the issues vary from person to person. There are a couple of lessons I have learned (and am learning) as I deal with this issue of contentment:

#1 - Yearning for something I don't have makes me miss out on the things I do have. What a waste life would be if I didn't enjoy the many blessings that God has given me.

#2 - God knows best. I have found myself more and more in my prayer life not praying for specific things as much, but praying that I may know God's will for my life. I know there are many times when my kids will ask me for something that they think will be good for them, and I have to tell them no. Sometimes they do not understand why I don't let them do what they want to do, but they have to trust that I am making decisions for them that are in their best interest. I must do the same with God.

#3 - If I am truly content with my life, than other people's circumstances should not affect me. If someone I know gets a job promotion, or a bigger house, or their kids seem more well-adjusted than mine, or they have six kids and I don't, it should not matter. Envy should not be an issue I struggle with.

Boy, it's so easy to think you have it all together on this subject until calamity strikes. I think of Job - what would I do in that situation? I can't say I would have the same reaction as he did. I was stressed out as it was with the few days we were out of power and the repercussions from the mess. I'll have to admit, most of my life I have been living in plenty. Sometimes I wonder if God is going to test me one day to see how I really hold up when I am instead in need.

This post has quite a spiritual connotation to it, and I know in my initial post I said I was going to stay away from these topics. But this one was on my mind today, so I am making an exception. And I feel pretty content with my decision :) .

Great Expectations

No, I'm not talking about the book we had to read in high school. I'm talking about expectations that are placed on us and how we deal with those expectations. If you think about it, our lives are full of them. The bank expects us to pay off our debt. My boss expects me to come to work, on time, each day. My kids expect me to take care of their basic needs and to give them some of my time. My husband expects...stuff, too. The church expects me to volunteer my time to a ministry. The people in the church expect me to dress and act appropriately when I am in the church. My family expects me to always live in Marion and be an active part in their lives. Friends expect me to interact with them and keep up relationships. I have my own expectations for me. God has expectations for me. The list goes on and on. Sometimes the pressure of all the expectations can become quite overwhelming, and I feel incompetent to handle them all. I do not like the feeling of not meeting someone's expectations, yet it is impossible to meet everyone's.

As a parent, it's a hard balance knowing how much expectation to have with my kids. Is it too high of an expectation to expect my three year old to stay with me in the store and not run out, thus making me chase after her with merchandise in my hand that I had not paid for and setting off the thief alarm (okay, that just happened today so it's fresh in my mind - I do expect her to be able to do that.) I have pretty high expectations of my six year old - at school, in sports, and at home. It's hard for me to know how hard to push and when to let up. I remember trying to live up to my parents' expectations for me growing up. I'm sure I succeeded more in school and sports because of those expectations, but was the pressure that went along with it worth it? Do I want to do the same to my kids? I really don't know the answer.

My role at work is changing some next year, and with my new responsibilities will come greater expectations. Adding even more pressure is the fact that a federal review team is coming in next year to do a thorough review of our program. Isn't it funny how self doubt can creep in and knock your confidence level down?

Sometimes we have unrealistic expectations of ourselves. My senior year, our girls golf team was short players, and they drafted me to play. I had picked up the game the summer before. Let me tell you, golf isn't a game you just pick up for a few months and then you have the hang of it. Talk about a humbling experience. I'll never forget that sense of letting the team down one match when we barely lost and I did not shoot a low number. But it was unrealistic for me to expect to do so. I think the same holds true as an adult. We expect ourselves to be able to accomplish so many things, and then we are run down and discouraged when we don't make the progress that we would like. Yet if we aren't achieving bigger and better things, rather it is professionally, socially, economically, or at home, we feel lazy, as if we aren't living up to our potential.

I just want to get to a place in my life where I am content - knowing that I am fully living God's will for my life, understanding that His expectations of me are really what I need to be focusing on. Do you think that is attainable?

I'm becoming my mother

I've had two people in the last two months mistake me for my mother. Granted, both people were probably over the age of 80, had never met me, and since they feel so young at heart they didn't realize that 30+ years had gone by since they had seen my mom. However, their mistake in idendity leads me to believe what everyone fears: I am turning into my mother.

What is odd for me to think about is that when my mother was the age I am now (almost 31), my brother was 5, and I was 2. That is very similar to the ages of my children (6 and 3). But my mom seemed so much older then than I feel now (does that make sense?) There are days when I do not feel like being an adult. Today was one of those days. We came home from camping back to reality. Our yard needed cleaned up, I had laundry to do from the weekend, our freezer and refrigerator needed emptied of the unrescued perishable items and cleaned from the melted popsicles in the freezer and miscellaneous spills that had happened in the refrigerator over the last 5 years. We had to transfer our saved freezer/refrigerator items (which when you coupon shop and have a garden, it's an abnormal amount of food) from my in-laws house to our house. Noone had eaten, Elizabeth got a bloody nose, Anna ran into the corner of the table, the kids wanted to watch a video, and when we tried to turn on the t.v., we realized it was another casuality of the storm. But on days like today, you have to suck it up and dig in. Of course, that meant I had to do the responsible thing and not get on the computer, but I got a good start on the laundry, cleaned the appliances, Jason went and got the food from his parents' house, bought a new t.v. at Wal-Mart, and picked up Arbys. (What's gonna work? Teamwork. That's for all you Wonder Pets fans.) I didn't say it was a cheap day for the Wuertleys, but maybe all that money we saved from no electricity over the last three days will help pay for it. Today was an unusually busy "adult" day, but there are many days when I would rather not face the responsibility of being in charge of not only my life but two other little lives. Now that I am an adult, I can appreciate the responsibilities that my mom handled when I was growing up - going to work, cooking, cleaning, the list goes on and on. And now it is my turn to be on the other side of that, and because I witnessed her do these things day in and day out, it's been a much easier transition.

I see other areas in my life where I am becoming my mother. Summertime was garden time, and that meant shelling and freezing peas, snapping and canning green beans, and shucking and freezing corn. My Grandma Bowman would help my mom. Now my mom helps me. When we moved into our house, I finally had enough yard space to have a garden. Each year it seems to get a little bigger, and between what I yield from my garden and what my uncle so generously lets me get from his, I am continuing with the garden tradition. To be honest, and I hope my grandpa doesn't ever read this, I prefer the taste of store-bought canned green beans to garden canned beans. I'm pretty sure my kids do, too. But my mom always served us garden beans (it was a treat to go to my Grandma Porter's house, because then I got the store-bought kind), so that's what my kids will get, too. There's nothing like garden corn, though. Also, my mom was always really involved in the church. She sang in the choir, served on countless committees, and was active in Sunday School. Her areas of involvement were a little different than mine, because I tend to volunteer more in children's ministry, but nevertheless, I grew up understanding that you are to be an active part of the church body. I find myself making the same meals I had as a kid growing up - and using my mom's recipes. I even drive the same make and model of car, just a different year. And I've just had a mini-revelation about my phobia of the dark - my mom couldn't stay by herself all night, either, and that was often during sports season when my dad was coaching. My grandma would come and stay with us. Am I a product of my environment or what? I could be used as a great example in the whole Nature vs. Nurture argument.

This post is turning out differently than I thought it would - I'm not sure if it is a tribute to my mom, a chance for me to complain about being an adult, or a comparison between my mom and me. Regardless, for those of you who know my mom, she is a pretty great woman, so if I am turning into her, that's fine by me.

A few days away from reality...priceless.

Due to the storm, we are still hanging out at my parents' house. The above pictures were from our newspaper's on-line photo gallery. In the first picture, you can barely see our house in the background. In the second picture, you can see the hanging power lines in front of our driveway. As of 10:00 this morning, the lines are still dangling, which presents a problem - the lines are high enough so we can drive under them, but they are too low for our camper to exit the driveway, and we are headed out this afternoon for a fun filled camping weekend. So hopefully the city will get to work on our situation, or our neighbor will be so kind to let us cut through his yard. So on to today's topic...

Our family's favorite past time is camping. Jason's family did some camping when he was a kid, but my family never did anything even close to camping. My perception of camping, therefore, was pitching a flimsy tent in a remote area and getting rained on all night and eaten alive by mosquitos. I think that is a lot of people's perception about camping, and therefore they say they don't enjoy camping (who would if that is all it was.) So when they see our camper, they tell us "That's not camping." Jason's reply, then, is "Well, then maybe you would like it." Our camping adventures started the summer Elizabeth was 2. We had no intentions of entering the camping world, but an opportunity to buy a very nice pop-up fell in our laps, and once I looked at it and realized there was more to camping than my above perception, I was ready to go. The next summer it rained EVERY SINGLE TIME we went out, which was miserable because now we had a three year old and a four month old, and we were stuck in the camper most of the time. But we perservered, and after going out six or seven times last year, we determined that we are indeed a camping family, and we were ready to make a little more of an investment in this endeavor. So we purchased a travel trailer this spring (which was really an investment, because then we had to get a different vehicle that could pull it.) We've been out three times so far, this weekend will be our fourth, and we are having no buyer's remorse and are loving every minute of it.

Some may question our camper purchase, thinking that it was a frivolous thing to buy. But this is what I think - our family has decided to make family and family time a very important priority, and this is an investment towards that decision. Even in the crisis camping times (the rain, the time we hit a deer pulling into the campground, then finding out there were no open spots, the time Anna wandered off and we couldn't find her), we have created so many great memories with our family and friends, that I think it is worth the investment. So below, I am going to list the 5 things I love most about camping:

1. The food. Sure, smores, the most famous camping food, are great, but chicken over the fire, breakfast pies, roasted hot dogs - there isn't too much out there that's better.

2. The fellowship. With the exception of just a couple of times, we always go camping with other people. This is great on so many levels - our kids have other kids to play with, it's fun to sit around the fire after the kids are in bed (everyone else's kids are always asleep, the Wuertley girls keep on partying in the camper) and talk, we share the food load, etc. etc. We are blessed to have great camping buddies.

3. The relaxation. With the exception of making/cleaning up food, what else is there to do but relax. There's no laundry, no house to clean, no errands to run. I love to sit in my reclining lawn chair by the fire and just do nothing.

4. No distractions. There is no phone, t.v. (exept the one in the kids's area, which is a lifesaver for Anna because she gets hot easy and enjoys just hanging out in the cool air and relaxing, too.) It is 100% family time, which at times can be a little much, but for the most part is great.

5. The kids love it. Some of our favorite things to do when camping are to take bike rides, hike on trails, swim, and play on the playground. It's every kid's dream. The kids can spend a lot of time outside running off energy, and they sleep really good at night.

Due to this camping trip, I will be unable to post on Saturday, thus ending my posting every day streak. I will return on Sunday, though. I'll have plenty of time to be thinking of my next post.

Windfall

My blogging challenges continue. Yesterday I was posting at my cousin's house because our internet and phone system were down. Jason figured out the problem late last night and fixed it. I did some serious blog checking around 11:00 last night - it was good to be back. Then today a whole new set of problems occurred. Tornadoes and tornado activity swept through Grant County and neighboring counties, and the Wuertley home was not spared. To make a very long story short, we have no power, and I have no idea when we will have power because one of our very large trees snapped, is blocking Wabash Ave., and it brought down all the power lines. Since we live on the same road as the hospital, and ambulances frequently race down our road, I am hoping the situation will be taken care of quickly. So obviously our internet is not working today. Has anyone else ever been out of power, yet you still act like you have it. For example, I walked into the bathroom and flipped on the light. DUH! Actually I did that twice in 10 minutes time. So the girls and I have temporarily moved into my parents' house (they are still on vacation) and I have fired up their computer, and the blogging continues!!! So on to today's topic (sorry for the lenghty introduction.)

"Windfall" is a new show on NBC on Thursday nights. The premise of the show is that 20 friends/acquaintances win the lottery, and each is the recipient of 20 million dollars. Each week the viewers see how the money changes their lifestyles and relationships. I've thought about this topic before, but watching this show has spurred on conversations between Jason and I about what we would do if a large sum of money like that came our way (we don't play the lottery, maybe an inheritance or something.) Having that kind of money instantly brings up a lot of questions in my mind:

#1. Would I still work? This got me thinking about why I actually do work. This topic in itself could be another post, but bottom line is some of my motivation for work is the money. The lifestyle choices that we have made are such that my income is needed; it's not extra that I can do with as I wish. However, I do most days enjoy my job (had a little rough spot this year where I thought I needed a change, but I'm on the upswing), and after nine years of doing the same thing, next year my responsibilities are changing a little, and I think I will enjoy it even more. If I could pick any job in the world for me to do, this one would be in my top five, if not #1. And even though money is a motivation for me working, it's not the only reason I do.

#2. Would we move out of Marion? I don't think so. With the exception of Jason's sister who only lives 4 hours away, our parents and siblings live in town. Three of our living grandparents live in Marion, and the other lives in Greentown. My only living aunt and uncle live in town - (and we don't want to forget my cousin and her family, who we are not only related to but are also very good friends with.) For some maybe that would BE a reason to live out of town, but we love hanging out with our extended family, so for us, it is a big positive. We are very involved in our Sunday School Class and church. Why would we want to move?

#3. Would we buy/build a bigger house? I would like to think no. I really like where we are at, and not only have we invested money, but also a lot of time in improvements and getting it the way we want it. However, we do have a long way to go, so I would spend some of the money on the following for our house: air conditioning and an attached garage. And this may sound obnoxious, but hey, I just got all this money - I would put a huge rec room above the garage, and I would dig a basement under the garage for a theatre room. Then I would also put it a pool with a nice deck around it. And while we're at it, I would reattach the toilet paper holder in the bathroom and put a pipe under the sink in that bathroom so we wouldn't have to keep emptying the bucket like we do now.

#4. How much money should we give to the church? In my mind this one would be pretty easy. I think a straight 10%. There's obvious reasoning behind that amount, and it answers the question quickly.

#5. How much do we give to other people, and who gets it? This is the toughest question, I think. I would definetely want to share the wealth with parents, grandparents, and siblings. What about extended family past that? We have cousins and aunts/uncles that we are closer to than others. The closer we are to that individual, the more money they get? What about close friends? I wouldn't want to appear condenscending, but I wouldn't want to be stingy, either.

I don't think anyone can say for sure what they would do with the money unless they are actually in that situation. The same holds true for Deal or No Deal. Our family watches that game show, and on several instances we have yelled at the contestants about their stupid decisions and watched them lose several thousands of dollars, yet we don't know what we would really do if we were in that situation. But if a windfall came our way, I would like to think that I would pay off all debts, do our home improvements, put back money for retirement and the kids, and then give the rest away. Okay, and I would probably buy myself a new car (not that I don't love my 1998 Accord that has chipped paint.) Then we wouldn't have to worry about it anymore, and hopefully we could continue to live our normal, simple life.

I was thinking about this post today as I was driving to Ft. Wayne to do my coupon shopping, dreaming about what I would do with millions, when a flying rock cracked my windshield. We just had that windshield put in a few months ago because another rock had cracked the windshield and it spread into a large crack. Then the storm hit today, causing some damage to our property (I'm sure insurance will be involved, and we will be paying the deductible.) Funny how quickly you can be brought back to reality.

Dreams

My blogging has hit a few obstacles in the last 24 hours, but I must perservere in order to keep going. Actually, what happened is lightning hit a very important wire that affects our internet and phone system. For the last couple of days, we have had sporadic internet connection, and we cannot receive any incoming phone calls. The phone man came today, and our phones are up and running, but the internet wll remain down until we get a replacement wire. So my cousin has been so generous to let me come to her house to post. It works out great for me - I'm in air conditioning (our house is at 80 degrees today, we have no air conditioning), I learned how to put a title on my posts, and Anna is playing with her cousin. The only negatives are that I cannot post pictures (and actually, with this post, I'm not sure what picture I would post unless it was one of me sleeping) and I was going to try to have the Cranberries "Dreams" song playing during this post. But anyway, on to the main subject...

I am an avid dreamer. I've heard that everyone dreams each night, but most people don't remember their dreams. I do dream each night, and I would estimate that after waking up in the morning, 90% of the time, I remember at least one of my dreams. When I went to bed last night, I told myself that if I had a dream that I remembered, that I would post on this topic today. When I woke up for the first time at 7:30 I could only remember pieces of dreams that would be too difficult to put into words. After Jason and Elizabeth left this morning for basketball camp, I went back to bed, and when I woke up at 10:00 (thanks, Anna, for sleeping in today), I vividly remembered my dream. I took Elizabeth to basketball camp, but it wasn't at the IWU gym but at the Taylor gym. Except that it wasn't the Taylor gym in reality, but in my dream it was. Elizabeth was in the middle of camp, and for some reason I had decided to stay all day and wait on her to finish. There was more than one gym, and one of the gyms was empty. I found a stray basketball on the court and started to dribble. I was reliving my old college basketball days when IWU would play Taylor on that floor (which is so weird, because may I remind you, this wasn't actually the Taylor gym), when a couple of people came into the gym. I asked them if they would mind if I shot around for a little bit, and they said I couldn't because some campers were getting ready to come in and play. I went out to the lobby to wait. While I was waiting, I ran into an older couple from College Church (who will remain nameless because I haven't had them sign a media release to use their name) and I invited them out to our next softball game. Then their daughter, who plays on the women's softball team, sat down beside me and was giving me advice to give our men's softball team on how to play better. There were some other details I have left out due to how long this post is getting, but this was the main idea of the dream. Most of the time, what I dream has a direct correlation to what is going on in my life, and I can make the connection. For example, I watched the men's softball team play a double header yesterday, and that couple was at the game! And you already know that Elizabeth has been going to basketball camp (not sure where Taylor came into play.)

The reason I am posting this, though, is not to just let you know what I dreamed this morning, but to ask if anyone else has recurring dreams? I have two different recurring dreams. The scenarios and characters in the dream vary, but the theme remains the same.

Theme #1 - A tragedy or emergency has occured, I need to call 911, and I am physically unable to dial the numbers. Usually I am trying to hit 911, but for some reason my fingers will not hit the right numbers. The last time I had this type of dream, a man had suffered a heart attack, and I was trying to dial 911. In my head, I was telling myself, "Now Deb, when these situations occur, you always have trouble dialing the right numbers, so take your time." This is unbelievable, but I made my fingers carefully dial 911, but on the phone screen different numbers were coming up!

Theme #2 - I am playing basketball, and I am wide open under the basket, and I keep missing the easy lay-up. I continue to get my own rebound and put it back up, but I keep bricking the shot. A variation to this dream is that I am playing, but every shot I take I miss badly.

If anyone has any thoughts on what these dreams mean, please share. I've heard that if you have recurring dreams about your teeth falling out, then you are having control issues, or if you dream you are naked, that means something, too.

One final oddity about my dreams - If my house is part of the scenario, I am always living at the 39th street house that I spent the first 18 years of my life in. Sometimes my parents are living with me, sometimes Jason and the kids are there, sometimes it is all of us and we are one big family.

Phobias

The layout of this post isn't how I wanted, but our internet has been off and on today (more off than on) so I am going to post anyway while it is working. I'm still trying to figure out the picture thing. Also, Jaena, my template doesn't provide a title line like the one you showed me. I still need to figure that out, too. I'm such a blogging novice.

A big thanks to my cousin, Joel, probably the most creative person I know, for the suggestion of the blog title. I must admit, I thought I knew what the word overtly meant, but to be sure, I checked the on-line dictionary, and it means open and observable, not hidden. I thought this was a perfect title for this blog since my posts thus far have revolved around my thoughts about past and current experiences of my life. Joel did suggest The Wuertleys, Overtly, but since I am the sole author of this blog, I thought it would be more fitting to just have my name attached. That's not too egotistical is it? Also, since my last post had a not so flattering picture of Anna, I thought I should do her justice and post a recent, more flattering picture. And so I am not playing favorites, I thought I would post one of Elizabeth, too. She is going to basketball camp this week, and this picture was taken right after camp today. She just completed her second day, and she is having a blast. I'm trying not to get my hopes up about her basketball future, but so far so good. However, her coach today told me she was impressed with her dance moves - I guess she was dancing to the music during one of the breaks. I know that's not very Wesleyan of her - I don't know where she gets it.

Since this is the inaugural post of my newly titled blog, I thought it would be fitting to post about a topic that would be a little more personal in nature. Aren't phobias interesting? I have heard of some phobias that to me seem so unbelievable, but to the people who suffer from them, I am sure they are very real. I have two phobias that I can speak of, neither of which have been formally diagnosed, but the feeling I have about these two items cause a reaction inside of me of almost sheer terror. And interestingly enough, I can tell you why I suffer from both of them.

Phobia #1 - The topic of the Rapture

Don't get me wrong, I think the end result of the rapture is great - aren't we all supposed to be yearning for our time in heaven for eternity and when Christ comes back to defeat Satan for good, and a new earth is created, etc. etc? It's just the way that it is going to happen that freaks me out a bit. I can trace this fear back to early childhood; I think I was around six or seven. At our church one Sunday night, the movie "Mark of the Beast" or "Image of the Beast," I can't remember the exact title, was shown. I don't think six year olds should have been watching this show. I don't remember if the movie was rapture pre, during, or post tribulation, but what I do remember is the guillotine and people in supermarkets with marks on their forehead. A couple of years later, an incident happened at home that made me sure the rapture had come and I had been left behind. I woke up on a Saturday, and I was only eight or so, and the house was empty. It was not my parents' habit to leave me alone at this age, especially when I was asleep. I mean my brother wasn't there, noone was outside, nothing. I called both grandparents' houses, and no answer. Well, to make a long story short, my mom had run an errand with my grandma and thought I would sleep until she got back. She thought wrong. Then, when I was 13 or so, this guy had wrote a book, it may have been called "On Borrowed Time" and it predicted the exact date that Christ would return. I'm pretty sure it was in the late 1980's. Man, I was a basket case that whole day! My mom knew I was pretty shook up about it, so she sent me shopping with my best friend and her mom. I will have to say even in my adult years things have not improved. At our house, we live a block away from where the helicopter lands for the hospital when they are going to airlift someone. The first time this happened after we had first moved in, I was sure it was the rapture, but alas, it was just the helicopter directly over our house. I even have dreams about the rapture, and if this post wasn't already so long (and I still have to tell you about phobia #2) I would in detail describe my most recent one (it was terrible.)

Phobia #2 - Fear of the dark

I'm not talking about walking into a dark room that just needs a light turned on or going to bed at night (I don't need a nightlight.) I cannot go into a dark house without another adult present. This means if Jason is gone on business overnight (thank goodness that rarely happens,) I stay at my parents' house. If we are coming home and have driven separately and I arrive first, I stay in the driveway until he gets home. However, if I am already in the house alone when it is light and then it gets dark, I'm okay; I just can't enter a dark house. I can't stay all night, though. And the reason for this fear - again my childhood. My family had a favorite game - we would all be going about our business in the evening, and then all of a sudden all the lights would go out. Someone (other than me obviously) would think it would be fun to play hide and seek in the dark. Also, my dad thought it was funny right after I went to bed to creep down the hall and then jump into my room and yell. And I've always had a heightened fear of someone breaking in the house - I know everyone fears that to some extent, but I think I have an above and beyond paranoia, so a dark house perpetuates this fear. We didn't ever have a break-in growing up, so I'm not sure why I feel this way.

I'm trying not to perpetuate either of these phobias in my children, but I wonder if it is genetic. Elizabeth had started asking questions last year about Revelation, and I did my best to be 100% positive about it, but she shed more than a few tears about the topic, even when I was saying how it was God's plan and how great it would be. I can't really say about the dark fear, because aren't most kids afraid of the dark to some extent?

Isn't it interesting how experiences in our childhood, even seemingly insignificant ones, can shape who we are as adults today? I hope we haven't messed up our kids too bad without even knowing it.

Surviving Motherhood

Trying out posting pictures - Anna at Age 2 in one of her not so great moments

There is a new show on TLC called "Surviving Motherhood." At least it's new to me, because summertime is when I catch up on everyone in Connecticut, New York, or California having their babies (A Baby Story) and then bringing them home (Bringing Home Baby.) Now TLC has extended their voyeurism opportunities to families' next few years of parenting. It should come as no surprise to anyone who knows my blogging addiction that I enjoy watching these types of shows where I get an up close look at someone's life, and I have no idea who they are. However, I take exception with this "Surviving Motherhood." First of all, the name. Is motherhood, or parenthood, something to be survived? When I think of things that one must survive, I think of examples like a root canal, a bad blind date, or worse yet a terrorist attack or natural disaster. The second reason I did not like the show - the focus on the focus mother. She is the classic overworked, overstressed full time working mother with three young children. The show revolved around her day to day schedule, and then the cameras would flash to some sort of support group that consisted of the focus mom and several other mothers offering support/advice to the focus mom. The other mothers, however, either did not work or they only had one child. So the conversations went something like this:

"Regular Mom" - "Wow, I don't know how you do it. I only have one kid and I feel like I don't have enough time in the day."

"Focus Mom" - "Yeah, it's just so busy, and my husband, he's great, but I just feel like I can't ask him to do anymore. If I could just have one more hour in the day..."

"Another Regular Mom" - "You're just amazing how you juggle it all: family, career, and trying to carve out some time for yourself. There's no way I could do that."

I think the perception of society is that children= stress, work, busyness (true), and therefore the more children you have, the more stress, work, and busyness you have (true for some.) And if you work outside the home, that even adds to the craziness. (I take exception to this - whether you work outside the home or not in my opinion shouldn't be a stress gauge.) My point is this: people have different breaking points when it comes to child rearing. I've seen some pretty stressed out one child parents, and I've seen families of multiple children whose mothers look as if they could handle even more. And let's not leave all the stress and busyness to the mothers; I'm sure there are single women or married women without children who are busier or more stressed than me; they are just busier or more stressed with things other than children. So to sum this point up, and it is hard for me to put into words all that is in my mind regarding this subject, so I know the thoughts are a little jumbled, and I certainly do not want to offend any mothers or downplay the blood, sweat, tears, and prayers that go into raising children, I think that regardless of your place and calling in life, you should be respected and admired for all that you accomplish in the 24 hours you have each day, and I, for one, do not want to merely survive motherhood, but I want to also enjoy the two gifts that God has given to me.

In closing, a disclaimer and side note to the thoughts above. First, the disclaimer. To my sister-in-law who is expecting triplets, you can complain anytime you want about being more stressed or busier than me! And to reiterate, I think that parenting is a lot of hard work and at times we are in survival mode to just make it through the day, so the purpose of this post is not to minimize the amount of time and effort it takes to raise children, nor to blast TLC for their programming. And now for the side note - I am an avid coupon shopper. I spend 4-5 hours a week clipping and organizing coupons and doing my shopping. I've had comments from others about how they don't have time to do this, which is completely understandable. However, when the implication becomes that they can't believe I take the time to do it, my reply (in my head of course, I am so non-confrontational that I would never say this aloud) is this - we all have the same amount of time in the day, we just choose to focus our energies on different activities. I have a good friend who is an avid garage sale/consignment shop shopper. She saves tons of money on clothes for her son. I choose not to spend time saving money in this way, but to say I just don't have time to garage sale almost minimizes her efforts to save money - it may come across that she must have nothing better to do with her time, and I am SO busy, I just can't do it. Scrapbooking - same way. The minute I mention that I'm all caught up with my pictures (I'm not by the way, I've been too busy blogging, and I'm 6 months behind) I get the comments, "Oh, just wait until the third one comes (I'm NOT making any sort of announcement here), you won't have any time then." You get the picture.

I Love Music, Too Bad I Have No Talent

I really wish I could sing - I mean better than carrying somewhat of a tune in church. I wish I could harmonize and sing on tune and even participate in the Family Camp Choir (Todd Guy would kick me out after the first practice.) I also wish I could play the piano better. I took lessons as a kid - just enough so I think I can sit down and play anything, but not enough so I actually can play without hitting a lot of sour notes. I would love to take drum lessons. I have never actually played any other drums except for my three year old's Christmas present set, but that would now be my instrument of choice.

And like most people, I love listening to music. I grew up in a house that was either playing Sandi Patti, The Watchmen, or the Maranantha Singers. My taste in music in junior high/high school was a little different than that. It started with Petra - This Means War, and then as I would listen to the top 40 on Sundays after church (I would race into the house to tape the last five on the countdown with my supercool double cassestte boom box) Gun's n Roses and Metallica started hitting the pop scene, and I had found my genre of music. In college I went through a classic rock phase and even bought the 4 CD set of Led Zepplin. I really enjoyed the grunge stage with Alice n Chains and Stone Temple Pilots. But then I realized at some point that the words of the music I was listening to were not what most would consider edifying to God, so I lapsed into an 80's love song phase. Interestingly enough, that is what brought Jason and I together - he noticed me opening up my newly ordered Forever 80's double CD set in the student center the summer after my sophmore year. He said "Hey, I have that set, too" and the rest is history. We spent the next two weeks watching VH-1 A to Z until 2 in the morning. What a story to tell the grandkids.

Anyway, all that to say that through the years, there have been several songs that many people my age know all the words to, or a good number at least, and I will have to admit I have no idea what the lyrics mean. So I am asking any of you who read this blog to please enlighten me on what I have been singing along to all these years. Below are five songs that have me baffled. And yes, the music in the Wuertley household and cars is mostly "Christian" in nature (thank goodness for Truth 94.3) - thanks to the awesome quality of music by today's Christian artists.

1.Stairway to Heaven by Led Zepplin. Pretty much any Led Zepplin song confuses me, but this one is so popular, even voted at times as the most popular rock song ever, that I must know, what in the world are they talking about?

2.Silent Lucidity by Queensryche. I love the music to this but I really don't get the lyrics.

3. Hotel California by The Eagles. My parents made me watch some beware of rock n roll series in junior high, and they talked about this song, but I don't really remember what they said, just that it was BAD, BAD, BAD!

4. Blister in the Sun by the Violent Femmes. Now I know supposedly what it is about, but I saw the VH-1 special about different songs and what they mean and they repeatedly denied that is what it is about. What do you think?

5. Buckets for Bullet Wounds by House of Heroes. This song is what prompted the post. My sister in law introduced this song to me, and we actually got to see it live at the Agape festival in Illinois (that is a topic for another post), and it does have a catchy tune. But the last words are this: "The wolf who comes to many homes just had pups in my kitchen. I sold them, here is the money?" Can anyone offer insight into this one? I freely sing along to this, because I'm assuming if they play it on Christian radio, it's more likely to be okay?

Those are my thoughts for today. Music just has such a powerful influence on people, and I think the words we sing can affect us more than we think - it's more than just boppin along to the catchy tune. I remember 7 or 8 years ago, Rebecca Gallegos sang in church "In the Prescence of Jehovah" and everyone was so moved that most were weeping and the pastor even cancelled his sermon to do an impromptu altar call - all inspired by that song. That's pretty big for College Church. Now I have heard that song several times since, and never has it had the same effect on an audience as it did that day. So I guess if words can have such a powerful positive effect, they can also have the same powerful negative effect.

Fathers Day

To the few who have already visited the site, I am not planning on posting multiple times in a day in the future, but in honor of Father's Day tomorrow, I did want to post one more time today. My dad decided to take a 3 1/2 week vacation this summer (might as well have been 3 years, that's what it seems like) so I will not be able to spend the day with him nor wish him a happy father's day in person. However, in honor of my father, I would like to post the top 5 memories I have from my childhood with my dad.

1. Playing game in the hall. Does every family have games they have made up that only they play? This one was great - it was my brother and I against my dad, and in our hall, we had four door openings into other rooms. The goal was to get the tennis ball into one of the openings. Great fun.

2. Game across the street. Again, another made up family game centered around baseball. My dad was always on offense, and he would throw my brother and I either grounders, line drives, or pop ups. Man, he could throw the ball so high in the air and so accurate to give us a chance to catch it.

3. Endless hours playing tennis. Right before a tournament, he would make me go out and hit. I hated to practice, loved to play. He knew not to push too hard, after twenty minutes or so, he would say "You're ready" and let me quit (for that day anyway.)

4. Shooting baskets. He would rebound for me until I wanted to stop. It's been so great the last week, because I have been working with my six year old daughter and been rebounding for her - I guess I look at her and remember me.

5. This one isn't one specific memory, but just a general sentiment of my childhood. My dad is one of the most competitive, passionate, yet tender hearted men you will ever meet. Anyone who has ever played sports for him can tell you that in the heat of the competition, he gets really involved and competitive and can even raise his voice at times, but off court, he would do anything for you and you know he really cares about you. That's how he was at home, too. Raising kids can get stressful at times, and especially during sports competitions things could get tense (thanks mom, for being a buffer), but I never had to question my dad's love for me.

And now, as Grandpa, he has continued the same with my kids. They love to visit Grandpa and play soccer in the back (one of their games they have made up, and he didn't even get upset when Elizabeth dove into the bedroom closet door (which is a solid glass mirror) and shattered it while trying to score. And if Elizabeth ends up being the most competitive kid on earth (and she already has a good start, believe me if you've ever played a game with her you will know) she definetely has gotten it honestly from her grandfather and mother. Jury's still out on Anna.

So dad, just want to say Happy Father's Day and I love you, and I hope you are enjoying the "Big Rock" at Star Island and beating men twenty years younger than you at tennis.

That's all for today. I would post my top 5 reasons I think Jason's a great father, but I told him this blog would not be about him, so I will just have to tell him in person. He hasn't taken a 3 1/2 week vacation this summer (and if he does, I better be with him.)

After many months of denying any intentions of starting my own blog, I have finally given in to the peer pressure. Maybe it was that I was feeling hypocritical for reading other blogs, and at times commenting, yet not doing my own. Maybe it was because it is summer and I am off work and need connection to the outside world, even if it is through the internet. Maybe it was because I have a lot of questions/comments about what goes on in day to day life, and I just want an outlet to discuss and have feedback. I guess after awhile, I will have more of a blog identity as I see what kind of flavor my posts have. I do know what my blog will not consist of:

1. Anything having to do with my husband. He is a pretty private person (case in point - I was eight months pregnant with our second child and walked into his office. His co-workers didn't even realize that I was pregnant.) In fact, that I have just said that he is a private person is probably more information than he would have liked me to share.

2. Deep religious, spiritual thoughts. It's not that I don't have them, but I'm not one to make good parallels between everyday life and how that relates to my eternal future. I'm sure the parallels are there, I just don't take the time to explore them.

3. Pictures of my kids. We are currently working out a deal with People magazine for the rights to their photographs - we are donating all to charity of course (okay, just kidding about this one. But there may be no pictures if I can't figure out how to do it, and Jason may not be supportive enough of the blog to show me!)

Which brings me to my final point in this post. I'm not sure what to call it. All the good names are taken, and I don't have a fun last name to do a play on words. For example - the "Grate" Update or "Grate Thoughts." Very cute. "Wuertley Thoughts" doesn't have the same ring to it. My sister-in-law's is "Our Life in a Nutshell" (soon to be changed to "Our Life in a Nuthouse" after the birth of their triplets) and my cousin's is "Our So-Called Life." Again, two creative, interesting blog titles.

So any of you who have decided to view this blog, I am open to suggestions in regards to the title of this blog. I would like to say that the winner will receive millions of dollars as prize money, but since the People magazine deal fell through (they chose some baby named Shiloh over my kids) just the satisfaction of knowing you creating my blog title will have to be enough.

We'll see how this goes. I'm a little nervous. Does anyone else break out into a sweat and read their entry ten times before they post? I'm having bloginsecurityitis already.