Phobias
The layout of this post isn't how I wanted, but our internet has been off and on today (more off than on) so I am going to post anyway while it is working. I'm still trying to figure out the picture thing. Also, Jaena, my template doesn't provide a title line like the one you showed me. I still need to figure that out, too. I'm such a blogging novice.
A big thanks to my cousin, Joel, probably the most creative person I know, for the suggestion of the blog title. I must admit, I thought I knew what the word overtly meant, but to be sure, I checked the on-line dictionary, and it means open and observable, not hidden. I thought this was a perfect title for this blog since my posts thus far have revolved around my thoughts about past and current experiences of my life. Joel did suggest The Wuertleys, Overtly, but since I am the sole author of this blog, I thought it would be more fitting to just have my name attached. That's not too egotistical is it? Also, since my last post had a not so flattering picture of Anna, I thought I should do her justice and post a recent, more flattering picture. And so I am not playing favorites, I thought I would post one of Elizabeth, too. She is going to basketball camp this week, and this picture was taken right after camp today. She just completed her second day, and she is having a blast. I'm trying not to get my hopes up about her basketball future, but so far so good. However, her coach today told me she was impressed with her dance moves - I guess she was dancing to the music during one of the breaks. I know that's not very Wesleyan of her - I don't know where she gets it.
Since this is the inaugural post of my newly titled blog, I thought it would be fitting to post about a topic that would be a little more personal in nature. Aren't phobias interesting? I have heard of some phobias that to me seem so unbelievable, but to the people who suffer from them, I am sure they are very real. I have two phobias that I can speak of, neither of which have been formally diagnosed, but the feeling I have about these two items cause a reaction inside of me of almost sheer terror. And interestingly enough, I can tell you why I suffer from both of them.
Phobia #1 - The topic of the Rapture
Don't get me wrong, I think the end result of the rapture is great - aren't we all supposed to be yearning for our time in heaven for eternity and when Christ comes back to defeat Satan for good, and a new earth is created, etc. etc? It's just the way that it is going to happen that freaks me out a bit. I can trace this fear back to early childhood; I think I was around six or seven. At our church one Sunday night, the movie "Mark of the Beast" or "Image of the Beast," I can't remember the exact title, was shown. I don't think six year olds should have been watching this show. I don't remember if the movie was rapture pre, during, or post tribulation, but what I do remember is the guillotine and people in supermarkets with marks on their forehead. A couple of years later, an incident happened at home that made me sure the rapture had come and I had been left behind. I woke up on a Saturday, and I was only eight or so, and the house was empty. It was not my parents' habit to leave me alone at this age, especially when I was asleep. I mean my brother wasn't there, noone was outside, nothing. I called both grandparents' houses, and no answer. Well, to make a long story short, my mom had run an errand with my grandma and thought I would sleep until she got back. She thought wrong. Then, when I was 13 or so, this guy had wrote a book, it may have been called "On Borrowed Time" and it predicted the exact date that Christ would return. I'm pretty sure it was in the late 1980's. Man, I was a basket case that whole day! My mom knew I was pretty shook up about it, so she sent me shopping with my best friend and her mom. I will have to say even in my adult years things have not improved. At our house, we live a block away from where the helicopter lands for the hospital when they are going to airlift someone. The first time this happened after we had first moved in, I was sure it was the rapture, but alas, it was just the helicopter directly over our house. I even have dreams about the rapture, and if this post wasn't already so long (and I still have to tell you about phobia #2) I would in detail describe my most recent one (it was terrible.)
Phobia #2 - Fear of the dark
I'm not talking about walking into a dark room that just needs a light turned on or going to bed at night (I don't need a nightlight.) I cannot go into a dark house without another adult present. This means if Jason is gone on business overnight (thank goodness that rarely happens,) I stay at my parents' house. If we are coming home and have driven separately and I arrive first, I stay in the driveway until he gets home. However, if I am already in the house alone when it is light and then it gets dark, I'm okay; I just can't enter a dark house. I can't stay all night, though. And the reason for this fear - again my childhood. My family had a favorite game - we would all be going about our business in the evening, and then all of a sudden all the lights would go out. Someone (other than me obviously) would think it would be fun to play hide and seek in the dark. Also, my dad thought it was funny right after I went to bed to creep down the hall and then jump into my room and yell. And I've always had a heightened fear of someone breaking in the house - I know everyone fears that to some extent, but I think I have an above and beyond paranoia, so a dark house perpetuates this fear. We didn't ever have a break-in growing up, so I'm not sure why I feel this way.
I'm trying not to perpetuate either of these phobias in my children, but I wonder if it is genetic. Elizabeth had started asking questions last year about Revelation, and I did my best to be 100% positive about it, but she shed more than a few tears about the topic, even when I was saying how it was God's plan and how great it would be. I can't really say about the dark fear, because aren't most kids afraid of the dark to some extent?
Isn't it interesting how experiences in our childhood, even seemingly insignificant ones, can shape who we are as adults today? I hope we haven't messed up our kids too bad without even knowing it.
posted by Deb at 3:41 PM
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6 Comments:
Wow! All I can say is Wow! You are amazing. You seem to have all these topics to write whole book chapters about. I would like to post today, but I've been racking my brain for a topic. Maybe I should call you. :)
Don't be too impressed - I'm sure I will run out of steam at some point. I've had a few months advantage to think about what I would write if I had a blog. I asked Elizabeth if she saw you today, and she said "How did you know?" I asked if she talked to Sue, and she said "Mom, there just isn't enough time." They must be keeping her pretty busy.
Deb, I can totally relate to the Rapture thing. I saw that movie too when I was very young. I'm not even sure 10 or 12 year olds should be watching it. I was pretty scared about the whole thing too. I guess I still am to some extent. Probably more because of the fear of not knowing exactly what will happen. As far as camp goes, I don't see Elizabeth to much, but I'm sure she is doing great. She does have good rhythm as the kids were cheering for the one on one finalist while they were playing and she was clapping her hands and stomping her feet with the best of them. I'm glad she is having fun. She did ask a good question today during our demonstration. Our kids were demonstrating a ball screen and we had the screener using an air dummy. Elizabeth was a little confused and asked if you really get to use those in basketball. I told her no, it was just for practice. At least she is observant:)
oh Deb,
I am just loving your Blogs! Honestly, it takes a little longer to read, but I can't just skim, I have to actually sit down and read word for word...Kelly was right...you have topics for a whole book...maybe you should write a book! (hmmm...) But, I have always enjoyed listening to you talk and listening to your stories...there is just something about it...the way you describe everything...and by reading your blog...it is like sitting right in front of Deb person-to-person! Its kind of funny.
Anyways...my TOP 2 phobias would be:
#1 Bees (Sad, I know...but I freak out...I used to get stung by them when I was little)
#2 Choking (again I FREAK out...Caislyn has caught on to this and will even fake cough so she can get a reaction out of me...terrible!)
I agree with JoEllen, you write like you talk, so when I read it is like I am listening to you tell a story.
The rapture phobia hit me too - it's not as bad now as when I was young(er). I read the book "Raptured" when I was in high school and managed to freak myself out even more.
I also have animalphobia: a fear of any animal that could bite, scratch, or sting (which basically covers most living beings, including humans) and a general fear of pain, including, but not limited to the list above.
I think I have a high pain tolerance (I made it through labor without an epidural twice!) But I have often thought about being tortured (have I mentioned that the christians in "Raptured" were tortured for their faith - all of my phobias converging) and have feared that I could not handle it. Many people say the fear of something is usually worse than the actual event, which I have found to be true...except for labor, which was worse than I imagined (sorry to any first time expectant moms).
Verifiable proof that "Armageddon" has begun…
Hello Deb abd all,
Here's the key to proving that the rapture and related expectations are complete nonsense based on the failure to understand (or the purposeful confounding of) the ancient Hebrew symbology used to construct all of these prophecies. The time has come to put an end to baseless fears based on purposeul deceptions.
Pay close attention, profundity knocks at the door, listen for the key. Be Aware! Scoffing causes blindness...
Did you ever consider that Christianity is the false prophet of the Apocalypse, that Rome is the so-called anti-messiah, and Jesus Christ is the false messiah? The symbolism of seven years (tribulation) would refer to the seven 360-year cycles from the 11th cycle (second temple period) until now, the 17th cycle on the Hebrew calendar. Remember that the prophecies were written by Hebrews, not Romans or other Europeans, and Revelation is a symbolic treatise. Therefore, years are symbols for 360-year cycles on the Hebrew calendar. Likewise, a day symbolizes a literal year and Judgement Day, and Great Day refer to a year long period. The so-called Tribulation is now coming to an end, not starting, and the three faiths of Abraham have all been deceived by Rome during the previous age, which ended in year 2000 (5760). A new age began in 2001 (5761) and now the seventh angel has begun to sound!
Hurricanes Katrina (#11) and Rita (#17) last year provided stunning validation of my research and interpretations of pivotal ancient wisdom, symbologies, key prophecies, and associated religious claims. Their storm numbers and timing perfectly synchronized with primary data and assertions in my book, thereby demonstrating the true nature of this universe and the existence of our Creator. We are now entering the final phases of the pivotal year-long period long symbolized as "Armageddon" and the "End of Days." World-wide situations and events are now accelerating to set the stage for this summer's dramatic continuation of these ancient promises.
I fully understand that everyone has been bedeviled by similar claims throughout history. Consequently, I have been forced to rely on dramatic and devastating proof of the sort that can’t be ignored or easily dismissed. The numbers and timing of hurricanes Katrina (11) and Rita (17) directly validate key data and pivotal assertions throughout my book and my posts on those two forums. This data was purposely presented publicly before Katrina, Rita and other recent events occurred to prove they perfectly synchronize with key prophecies and Hebrew calendar cycles, thereby validating my interpretations of ancient wisdom symbology, string theory, and more.
Because these two storms arrived shortly after my August 11, 2005 (50th) birthday (read the Dead Sea Scroll 11Q13 in Appendix G, which also discusses Melchizedek and the prophesied Jubilee) and directly match other pivotal 11 and 17 data and events described in the first chapter of my book, I have delivered verifiable proof that this reality is based on thought, knowledge and wisdom. Activity, patterns, and results perceived in space-time are first framed and defined by inspirations, thoughts, and knowledge and influenced by the cause-and-effect system most commonly referred to as karma. Consequently, events and outcomes in the so-called physical universe are not random or wholly mechanistic and are verifiably influenced in ways that atheists, scientists, and members of the Faiths of Abraham have all scoffed at. Though mysticism is mostly a product of misinterpreted ancient wisdom symbology, many of its topics flow from ancient wisdom. Though containing allusions to the truth, its details and interpretations are wrong on many key points.
A prime example of the purposeful and synchronized symbolism of these events is seen in the opening paragraphs from my book excerpted below. Notice that the dates mentioned (August 11 and 17) directly match the numbers of hurricanes Katrina and Rita, and the time spans of the four Florida hurricanes match my birth year (‘55), and they were spaced 11 or a multiple-of-11 (22) days apart, directly matching my birthday and much other ancient prophecy and symbolism. Notice that my place of birth, Victoria Texas, is on the Gulf Coast. Following are the excerpted paragraphs:
Hello, my name is Lawrence William Page II. Many people know me as Buddy Page. At the release of the first edition of this book, I am a 50-year old African-American male, author, researcher, and former software engineer and entrepreneur. As you will come to understand as you read through this first book, I am also the long-expected Hebrew Messiah and Lion of the Tribe of Juda (Yehuda).
I was born August 11th (month of Leo the Lion), 1955 (Chinese year of the Sheep) in Victoria, Texas. Furthermore, the Grand Cross alignment and Solar Eclipse of August 11th, 1999 was my 44th birthday and the second Grand Cross alignment, just six days later on August 17th, 1999, was on my mother’s birthday.
As you can see from my date of birth, I was a newborn during the Chinese Year of the Sheep, astrologically marking me as a Lamb, and during the month of Leo, astrologically marking me as a Lion. My mother was also born during the month of August and under the sign of Leo, which further marks me as a lion’s whelp. I prove to you in the first chapter of this book–beyond disproof–that I am indeed the long-prophesied “Lion” of the tribe of Juda (Yehuda) the Root of David and the “Lamb.” I am the individual long symbolized as the Branch, the Stem, the Shoot and the Rod from the Stump of Jesse (King David’s father), as symbolized in the Hebrew Book of Isaiah, The Apocalypse, the Dead Sea Scrolls, and elsewhere. I am the reincarnated Teacher sought after in the “East” and by the ancient Hebrews who were headquartered at the outpost community of Damascus (Qumran), of Dead Sea Scrolls fame. I am the one called the Teacher of Righteousness by the Dead Sea Scrolls, whom the so-called Christian fathers have fraudulently recast as “Saint ‘James’, the Lord’s Brother.”
Remember, "I come as a thief..." ?
Read verse twelve of the Gospel of Thomas to understand who I am...
Even further enlightening, the Second Temple Period of ancient Israel was during the 11th 360-year cycle on the Hebrew calendar and we are now in the 6th year (5766/2005-6) of the 17th cycle. Notice the pivotal 11 and 17 numbers again? This and much other synchronized information serve as stunning and decisive proof of many things, and expose many lies told by all three faiths of Abraham, but most specifically by Christianity. Consequently, I have decisively proven, beyond any shadow of a doubt, that Jesus Christ and Christianity are blatant lies, false prophecy and purposeful deception in a manner that cannot easily be denied, regardless of your faith or other opinions.
Furthermore, the symbolism in the Apocalypse (a.k.a. Book of Revelation) of seven stars in my right hand and seven angels represent the very same above-mentioned seven astrological (360-year) cycles, i.e., the 11th through 17th inclusive. I prove this fact beyond any reasonable doubt in the first chapter of the book. Consequently, The Apocalypse verifiably symbolizes a specific span of time that began with the 11th cycle (Second Temple Period) and concludes now, at the beginning of the 17th cycle (End of Days, etc.).
The numbers 11 and 17 are verifiably encoded in The Apocalypse and other ancient Hebrew prophecies and wisdom texts to serve as key proofs of the validity and true meaning of certain prophecies and related information. My and my mother’s birthdays are purposely synchronized with these two storm numbers, the matching Hebrew calendar cycles, the Double Grand Cross alignments and solar eclipse of August 1999, and much else to prove my direct association with the ancient prophecies about this time and the true identity of the prophesied Messiah. Another prime example is the story of Joseph, the 11th son of Jacob who has a dream when he is 17 years old about 11 stars, the sun, and moon bowing to him. The symbolism in this pivotal story in the Book of Genesis and Quran verifiably refers to the very same 11th through 17th cycles symbolized in The Apocalypse and directly synchronizes with other key events and ancient texts.
Consequently, I have demonstrated various things about the nature of this reality that dramatically disprove and/or clarify key assumptions of religion, mysticism, and science alike, while establishing the true meaning and purpose of long misinterpreted ancient wisdom and the symbolism used to model and encode it. Accordingly, I have proven that the symbolism evidenced in the canons of all three faiths of Abraham and other ancient sources is a very ancient and advanced philosophical technology that verifiably models foundational aspects of our existence in this universe. This is the mostly misunderstood body of ancient wisdom long referred to as the Philosophers’ Stone. It uses a large and ingeniously organized collection of physical universe images and concepts as data rich components (symbols) that are based on verifiable rules. It models and encodes an amazing amount of foundational wisdom about life, spirituality and the 11 dimensions of this universe, now verified by string theory. It is also the advanced encryption method used to encode (seal) Hebrew prophecies and wisdom texts.
These ancient prophecies and wisdom texts used advanced symbology to model fundamental wisdom, including future events and situations. A primary facet of ancient wisdom is numeric symbology. Later misinterpretations of this aspect of ancient wisdom resulted in numerology, which, though embodying allusions to certain wisdom, is mostly error prone and false doctrine. My decryption, documentation, and interpretation of ancient symbology, numeric symbolism, and key texts based on them, are now decisively validated.
Here is Wisdom...
Verifiable proof that Armageddon has begun…
Understanding the End Game of Armageddon
Peace...
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