Robot

I am a robot, a machine. The alarm goes off at 6:00 a.m. After one snooze (6:07), I roll out of bed and go to wake up Elizabeth (6:08). She crawls into bed with Jason, and I head into the bathroom. I go to the bathroom (6:10), get out my towel (I use a new one every day) and washcloth, and sit down to shower (another topic for another post.) After showering (6:20), I dress (6:25), put on minimal makeup (6:28), go downstairs, get the newspaper (6:30), fix a bowl of cereal, and sit down to eat and read the paper (6:35). After breakfast (6:40), I head back upstairs, do Elizabeth's hair (french braid days take the longest, today was pigtails so not too bad,) send her down for breakfast (7:00), then dry and gel my hair. I go downstairs (7:05), prod Elizabeth to finish up breakfast, brush her teeth, put on her shoes, and then we head out the door (7:15). I drop her off at Doug and Kismet's to catch the bus (7:20), and I head to work (7:30). I work until lunch (11:25), then I head to Westminster pre-school to pick up Anna (11:30). I fix Anna lunch (11:40), babysitter arrives at 11:45, throw in a load of laundry (11:50), grab something to eat (12:00), and head back to work (12:15.) Work until 3:30, head home to face the evening. This part of the evening varies depending on the day - Monday is hopefully dance (haven't gotten schedule), Tuesday gymnastics/Meijer, Wednesday piano/Clubhouse, Thursday tennis and blog group. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday is the above morning/afternoon schedule. Thursday and Friday are a little different because Anna doesn't have preschool, so I just go home at lunch. My car is on autopilot. Sometimes my car and my brain don't get together, so my car automatically goes to where it thinks it should go, but when the routine changes, my brain doesn't give my car the message. My office was in the same building for 9 years - this year it has moved. Yesterday I missed my turn going to work after lunch - I was driving to the old building. Today was even more laid out because after work, I went home and picked up both girls, dropped Anna off at Great Grandma Wuertley's house, took Elizabeth back to work with me from 4:30-6:00 (a madhouse taking applications - a job that requires three experienced people, and we did it with me and an inexperienced one), went to the Womack's for dinner (Jason stayed home, sick) went to Wal-mart to pick up supplies for Family Enrichment Time tomorrow morning at work, and then went home. Wal-mart with two young children is not the way to end a day like today, but when you are a robot, it doesn't matter. You go from event to event without thinking - it's second nature, it has to be done. There's no time to fret, to complain, to even think about how frenzied of a pace you are living. When the schedule is like this, there comes a time when I wonder if I am even feeling anymore, or if I truly have become a machine that completes tasks and honors obligations, with nothing left to give at the end of the day. Tonight I stopped to think about the events of the day and tried to place feelings with them, giving me hope that I am still a human being, a worker, a wife, a mother, a friend, and a child of God with feelings. I called up the "How Are You Feeling Today" chart that is placed in some of our classrooms to get some common feelings, and I have placed certain events of the day with some of those feelings:

exhausted - this is the feeling I felt when I came home from all the day's events and sat on the couch and ate a piece of delicious peach pie that my cousin made. Funny how you can have lots of energy when you go go go and then when you finally sit down, you realize how tired you are.

confused - A parent came in today to try to enroll her child in our preschool program. However, she is kindergarten age eligible. When I told her that her daughter needed to be in kindergarten, she said the teacher who screened her told her that her daughter was not ready for kindergarten, she had been neglectful in teaching her at home, and she shouldn't come to school this year. Maybe I am going to step on some toes with this one, but I feel it is the school's responsibility to offer public education to age-eligible children, even if parents have not laid a foundation - and it's the law. Maybe the girl will have to repeat kindergarten, but at least she will be in school, which is a much more educational place to be than home.

sad - that I had to turn some families away today because they make too much money for our program but not enough to afford private preschool.

frustrated - that I was short staffed today while taking applications - we have had a lot of staff turnover, and there just wasn't staff trained to help today, but the show must go on.

guilty - for cancelling out with Shannon on a kid's hope training tonight. With work and Jason being sick, I had to bail out. This also would fall under the feeling of being irresponsible.

happy - when I came home from lunch and Anna ran to the door with a big hug for me.

ashamed - that I snapped at the kids on the way home from Wal-mart because they were picking at each other and I was tired - I turned the radio up and told them they couldn't talk anymore. I probably overreacted and took out some of the day's frustration on them. Funny - the song that started playing was Sanctus Real's "I'm Not Alright." Fitting song for the time.

overwhelmed - that word pretty much sums up a lot of my work day.

hopeful - Friday's tomorrow - and no plans for tomorrow night, so the Wuertleys will be spending some serious family time together after a week that had nights of busyness.

lovestruck - when I walked in the door at 8:00 and saw my sick husband for the first time since 7:15 a.m. (puke, I know, I didn't know what else to say here.)

jealous - of my co-worker who had the freedom to elect not to come tonight to help take applications.

bored - nope, not today. Actually, not any day for the last two weeks. Except maybe when I am running laps for the triathlon.

shy - a little when I introduced myself to Elizabeth's principal today.

Here's a few more that were not on the poster -

grateful - for many things today. My awesome babysitter did my laundry (at least 2 loads and folded them, too,) Jason's grandma watched Anna while I worked, and Jaena invited us over for dinner last minute and it was great - especially since I didn't have time to make dinner.

peaceful - as I sit here and type this at the end of the day with the window open and crickets chirping, kids in bed and responsibilities of the day complete.

hysterical - as I watched The Office tonight. It has to be the funniest show on t.v. right now - many moments where I audibly laugh. I would also say last night at blog night, but I am only talking about today.

blessed - that I have a family I love, a job that most days I thoroughly enjoy, friends whom I have already blogged about so I need not say more, and all my needs are taken care of. I am going to bed in a bedroom with air conditioning and the only mattress in the world I can comfortably sleep on - and my stomach is full (with peach pie.)

tired - it is past my bedtime now, and since this is the end, I can take care of this feeling pretty easily.

8/25 post qualifier - As I reread this post this morning before I head to work, I feel as if I need to add a qualifier before the rest of the blog world reads (except for Jaena, who is a late-night blogger.) The tone of the post was not to be a commentary on busyness, and especially not to imply that my life is busier than others - because we all fill our time with things to do. It was more of a commentary on how my life (like others?) is so scheduled at times, especially during the school year, that I go from task to task checking off the list with no time to attach any emotions to what I am doing (except maybe negative ones that include frustration, being overwhelmed, etc.) Hope that is the tone that comes through to the reader. Just another example of when you blog, people can't hear your tone or see your expressions to understand the true connotation of what you are saying.


Triathlon training update - another guilty topic - I just couldn't do it today. There was really, honestly, no time. I apologize to my training partner; I will not take a break tomorrow and will make it all up in the next three days. I promise. Really.